Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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