Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's shark week go big or go home
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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