i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
