its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
