all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
