Three words: puerto rican gang bang
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
