We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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