I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
