Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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