ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
