my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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