How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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