I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
