i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
