This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
