Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
