like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
