Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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