They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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