Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
