3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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