tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
