I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
