I'm really into asian looking animals
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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