If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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