and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
