dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
