i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
