laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
