he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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