I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
