how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
