Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
