He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
