i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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