maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
