I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
