Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
