Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
