Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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