Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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