i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
