I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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