You really coming over, don't trick.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
