Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
