im about as happy as oj after his trial
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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