well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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