you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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