The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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