I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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