so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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