im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
