I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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