OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
