somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
