we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
