apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
