We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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