Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
