haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
