you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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