'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
