Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
